Dropped Like a Lead Brick

I started off last night's show with a bang. Unfortunately, the bang was the sound of me dropping my line through the bowels of the stage. Oh well, as I said, it's live theatre; crap happens. The bad part is that it happened with my grandmother and aunt sitting in the front row, and two of my bosses, Jes, and one boss's wife in the audience. Hey, if I'm going to make a spectacle of myself, it will be done spectacularly.

In brighter news, I have pants! And a teapot! And a great big teacup! No more slurping boiling tea from bare hands over a naked lap for Pesh! No, sir! This pleases me.

Yes, my shopping endeavors were successful and then some. After having lunch at Taiwan Buffet II, minus Carissia, the little absentee stinker, Edy and I headed to the Movie Gallery. Apparently, the entire chain is closing nationwide, so they're selling all their stock. It's still far too overpriced. Fifteen bucks for a used DVD? I don't think so.

So, we didn't buy anything, but the stop was fruitful nonetheless. I saw two of the most brilliant things I have ever seen. Ever. Upon turning a corner, Edy happened to look at a waist-level shelf and spouted, "Ooh! Porn!" That's right, Edy found a copy of Naked Ambition sitting at the end of the shelf. I looked down, and what did I see at the opposite end of that very same shelf not more than three feet off the ground? None other than My Little Pony: Twinkle Wish Adventure!

And that's not all!

The crown jewel of this journey came in the form of Dead Clowns. Oh, yes.



Take a moment to note the reviews on the cover. "Lots of gore." "Gory zombie flick." "One of the most effective indie horror films I have seen in years." These riveting opinions had me giggling even more than the title and cover. Then, I read the back blurb. And damn near peed my pants in public. Again. But we won't talk about the other time...s.

Ahem.

"As a hurricane approaches the small coastal town of Port Emmett, an innocent group of residents are visited by an unspeakable horror. Fifty years ago a bridge collapsed in the small town, plunging a circus train into the dark water below. The clown car was never recovered. Tonight the zombie clowns emerge from the bay to exact revenge on the descendants of those who left them buried under the silt and mud for half a century."

First off, why are the residents innocent? Do they not have lives? Do they never leave their houses? Have they never cussed, masturbated, rested their elbows on tables? If these residents are innocent, how does that set them up for the comeuppance that is a car's worth of zombie clowns? What lesson must they learn? Spit on the sidewalk more often? It's just not fair!

And why fifty years? Doesn't that seem a bit long for the typical zombie gestational period? If it were a curse, isn't one hundred years the usual standard? Do clowns always wear their costumes and makeup while the show is traveling? Do clowns always ride in the car when they're on the train? How often do drowning victims come back as zombies? What the hell is this town adding to their silt that it can reanimate corpses after fifty years? Are the residents really so innocent?

"You kids stop peeing in that water! You'll turn the silt into a bio hazard!"

"But, Ma, we swim in there all the time, and we ain't never got sick."

"Yeah, but you ain't no corpses. If you'ns were dead and stuck in that silt for fifty years...well, I don't want to imagine what would happen. Now, put yer peckers away!"

As for the hurricane, why? Just...why?

Duh Pesh is back on form me thinks.

I also bought a birthday card with a booby joke for a fifteen-year-old today. All is right in the world.

And now for the song that was my husband's favorite when we first met. How the years have gone by...thank goodness.

And now for smartly bits.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." ~Ambrose Redmoon